Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 331 of 6386
Did you know the word incorrectly is spelled incorrectly in every English dictionary?
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11-12-2020 08:05
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Adding a few Barbie limbs to the dead bugs in a porchlight is a fun way to tell guests they should’ve left before dark.
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11-12-2020 07:11
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Her: Why are you videoing that microwave meal? Me: The instructions say ‘remove packaging and film’
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11-12-2020 07:10
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Spent $20 on face coverings for my kids but I’m saving thousands of dollars on braces.
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11-12-2020 07:10
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Saw the fattest Dalmation ever on my way home from the supermarket yesterday. It was huge & had these teats that were almost touching the ground & it made a weird bark, like "moo"
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11-12-2020 05:46
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I run into more potential dates at thrift stores, yard sales and estate sales than I do at the bar. In a way it kinda makes sense. I'm like a used piece of furniture from the past. I've been used but I'm still good as new.
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11-11-2020 17:53 by LTRAIN
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If Clifford the Big Red Dog was a cat, we'd all be dead.
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11-11-2020 17:07
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If you don't make it in Hip Hop, there's always IHOP.
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11-11-2020 17:06 by Fazzy
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The hardest part of Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting you don't have a problem.
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11-11-2020 13:41
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I'm not an alcoholic I'm just always down to drink. Huge difference 😭
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11-11-2020 13:35
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Marine biologists are just like regular biologists, only they have to do 20 push-ups after every experiment.
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11-11-2020 13:22
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DON’T CLICK on the quiz titled “What kind of plumbing device prevents the unwanted flow of liquid or gas?” It’s a trap!
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11-11-2020 10:16
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Because I’m on diet, I only ate half of a donut and saved the other half for 2 minutes later.
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11-11-2020 09:40
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Who else feels like prank calling the voter's fraud hotline?
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11-11-2020 09:31
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I think the wife has started to show signs of Alzheimers. She said she can't remember what she ever saw in me !
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11-11-2020 08:22
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Stop saying “you can’t make this stuff up“. You can make anything up. Watch this: a breakdancing beaver wearing a top hat. A peanut butter and thumbtack sandwich. A baby doing calculus. It’s easy.
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11-11-2020 07:55
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If I ever got the chance to name a Road, I'd call it 'Skin Road' Just so I could laugh at the people at number 4.
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11-10-2020 22:56 by cittababe
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Remember that time you found out your crush felt the same way? It’s kinda like that, but it’s just me discovering there are still Pringles in this can.
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11-10-2020 12:31
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Nothing disturbs me more than the glorification of stupidity.
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11-10-2020 11:52
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I’m not a violent person, but I’d happily throat punch the person that decided baby clothes needed a minimum of 20 buttons.
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11-10-2020 09:19
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