Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   16 and pregnant was supposed to scare you hoes not inspire you

   Now that I am woke and want to make amends for my hateful act of being born white, I want reparations for all the money I spent at Pottery Barn over the years.

   Apparently running around Walmart with alka-seltzer running out of my mouth screaming, “The vaccine isn’t working!”, isn’t funny.

   Walking in a winter wonderland still beats driving a Ford !

   BLOCK ME & best believe I’m downloading that text free app. We ain’t done yet.

   Did you know that the sentence "Are you as bored as I am" can be read backwards and still makes sense?

   2021 will be decided by what the Chinese will eat this christmas

   Can you catch Covid-19 from someone's fart? I'm in an elevator and we're all dying from someone's flatulence in here...Ugh!

   I wonder if Santa will be wearing a mask during his visit to my house this year?

   If by white privilege you mean knowing all the words to Dancing Queen ... then yeah. I’ve got that.

   One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.

   Don't forget that the guy who's the reason for the season loves you! And I don't mean Sam Walton.

   Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   When you drive an old air-cooled Volkswagen a essential oil is dw40.

   LADIES.. ! Please stop asking Santa for the perfect man..I've been kidnapped 3 times this week !!

   You can only listen to so much Barry Gibb.

   Dear Santa, To be safe I'll be staying home for Christmas, so please just drop my presents on my porch and don't bother coming down the chimney. Thanks!

   Walking In a Winter Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   "Walking In a Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   I feel confidence they're going to be able to hammer out a stimulus deal by Christmas.....of 2021