Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Okay, we got the message. The guy from 'Friends' died.

   Sometimes I think Facebook needs a "Slap you in the Face" button.

   I'm not turning my clock back an hour on Nov 1st because seriously none of us need an extra hour of 2023.

   Dear Mr troll some cure disease in life some stop wars you have been able to destroy a fun site to visit. Maybe you can move out of nanas basement next.

   Walmart will be closed on Thanksgiving day so that the self checkers can be with their families

   Massacre

   Being in a relationship is solving problems together; Problems you wouldn't have if you were single.

   Some of yall dressing y’all kids for red ribbon week then smoking a blunt after they go to school.

   ahahahahaH !nothing at ... awesome you're think I that you tell to just trouble this of all through go you made I (NOW READ BACKWARDS)

   I know SIX facts about you. 1.) You're on your phone or computer. 2.) You're reading this. 3.) You're still reading this. 5.) You didn't realize that I skipped #4. 7.) You're checking and now smiling. 8.) You didn't realize that I skipped #6.

   ab/2k[zhi6op7/vb Sorry, there was a spider on the keyboard, but it's dead now. Wait, gzfew!1;p9nmkxpxq Okay, now it's dead.

   Dear lady in line in front of me with six screaming kids under the age of ten. You see that box of condoms that magically appeared in your cart? YOU'RE WELCOME!

   That awkward moment when you're absolute SURE you're gonna die after leaning your chair back too far

   Halloween

   I just saw a mosquito with a coat on. They're not giving up!

   If you don't like your coworkers, go to work dressed up like a bear. Tell people "don't poke the bear"

   why did the chicken cross the road? because it went to the chicken

   I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in

   I feel like someone should've warned Travis Kelce about the crazy...

   I have a message for the thief who stole 100 cans of Red Bull from my car: How do you sleep at night?