Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 28 of 6384
90% of all electrical vehicles are still on the road today. The other 10% made it all the way home.
Them: What kind of person are you? Me: I'm a place or thing, thank you.
CUNT !
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11-25-2023 12:03 by Leroy
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Blunt
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11-24-2023 16:50
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Gobble till you wobble!
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11-22-2023 11:41
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Not a lot of great things listed in Craigslist free section today. Unless any of you guys would like a slightly used mattress for Christmas?
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11-20-2023 14:24
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Why do we say "half a dozen" when it is easier to say "six"?
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11-20-2023 11:54
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Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a Dog Park.
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11-19-2023 19:14
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A group of Karens was having lunch at a fancy cafe. When they were done eating the waiter came over and asked "Was anything OK?"
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11-19-2023 16:25
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I bought a 15 pound turkey yesterday. He's fun to have around but he's kind of noisy.
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11-19-2023 13:01
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Marriage tip: If your wife won't let you play games with the boys at night, do something to make her mad. That way she tells you to sleep on the couch. That way you can play games with the boys at night.
Dear Black Friday: We all have big screen tvs. Put those groceries on sale.
The closest thing to a 4.0 average I ever got in college was my Blood Alcohol Content.
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11-16-2023 09:47
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Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.
The world is getting too sensitive. Soon I won't be able to make fun of myself without people getting offended.
Walmart is giving away free Christmas decorations as long as you can outrun security.
All men eat ass, they just wating to see if they can do it without you telling anyone...
Be patient and keep that crack clean!
My car clock is finally right again. My patience really paid off.
Pro tip: Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write "sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.
You know they once made a movie about constipation, but it never came out.