Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 26 of 6384
If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.
How much baking soda per kilo is it again ?
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12-21-2023 20:45
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I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.
Holiday tip: If any of you receive a call from a telemarketer and there's a kid under 5 years old nearby, hand the kid the phone and tell them its Santa.
It's beginning to look a lot like I'm going to have to go on a diet after Christmas.
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12-17-2023 22:49
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Nice tree dad, are you going to put it up yourself?
No, I'm going to set it up in the house...
You want to make everything electric? Let's start with the border fences.
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12-17-2023 13:58
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?... More like Rudolph the Brown-Nosing Reindeer.
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12-17-2023 07:19
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I have exciting news. Today I used a piece of plywood, that I've kept in my garage since 2003, incase I might need it.
I find it interesting how some women won't date a man that lives with his mother, but will date a man that lives with his wife.
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12-15-2023 19:35
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I'm a hot guy. Even Lesbos like me.
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12-15-2023 10:08
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It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.
My ability to remember all of the lyrics from the 80s,
Far exceeds my memory of why I just walked into the kitchen..
I get now why they call it being a cougar bc to get my recommended daily protein I gotta take down an elk
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12-11-2023 12:24
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If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?
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12-11-2023 11:42
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Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question
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12-11-2023 11:37
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Adam: oh look the McRib is back Eve: stop calling me that!!!
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12-11-2023 11:26
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Medical Tip: If you see a “lost & found” box in the proctologist’s office... keep walking.
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12-11-2023 11:26
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We buried our grandad with his exercise bike – he’s spinning in his grave.
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12-11-2023 11:23
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Sorry I shot your minivan, but it's hunting season and it had antlers.
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12-11-2023 11:22
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