Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 232 of 6446

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a guy in Germany He said, 'Cut it out.'
←Rate |
04-22-2022 09:04
Comments (0)

Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:17
Comments (0)

Stop killing mountains to make Mountain Dew!
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:17
Comments (0)

Gun owners: when they hear someone breaking in at 2:00am.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:16
Comments (0)

Him: The doctor says if I don’t receive nudes I’ll die! Her: Damn, that’s crazy.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:16
Comments (0)

Her: My God! Where did you learn to use those fingers? Him: (picking a boogie)
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:15
Comments (0)

HR explaining to me that smoke breaks are for nicotine use only.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:15
Comments (0)

Bezos: Heard you’re buying Twitter. Musk: Amazon is next. Bezos: Bruh… Musk: (add to cart)
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:14
Comments (0)

Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:13
Comments (0)

They should just make the Tupperware spaghetti colored right there at the factory.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:13
Comments (0)

What’s the difference between an airplane and the US? The plane’s left wing isn’t trying to crash it into the dirt.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:12
Comments (0)

Elon Musk should change Twitter's name to MySpaceX.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 21:42
Comments (0)

CNN+ didn't even last as long as a Kardashian marriage.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 16:04 by Grumpy
Comments (0)

Border Security Idea: Just Make the door to Mexico too small for sombreros.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:49
Comments (0)

Every Adele song is about lasagna.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:45
Comments (0)

A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm. So I peed on her
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:44
Comments (0)

There is no doubt in my mind, I would trade my ovaries for another liver.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:44
Comments (0)

My real mom put me up for adoption because the cat was allergic to me
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:43
Comments (0)

FUN PRANK: Replace signs for Red Cross Blood Drive line with “iPhone 12 in Stock” and watch the shenanigans ensue.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:42
Comments (0)

My wife is always like, “You answer the door, I don’t even have my bra on!” and for that reason, I have stopped wearing a bra.
←Rate |
04-21-2022 13:40
Comments (0)