Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I spend 90% of my time online waiting for password reset emails

   Masks are the new bra. They’re uncomfortable; you only wear them in public, and when you don’t wear one, everyone notices.

   If I have to wear a mask to protect your health, I’m gonna slap that McDonald’s outta your hands too.

   Are the double maskers going to start yelling at the single maskers?

   Bacon is the highest it’s ever been, car dealerships have no new vehicles, 200,000 houses are now 450,000 and grocery store shelves are empty half the time. Things are going so well right now. Thanks, Joe.

   “Buy a man eat fish, the day, teach man, to life time.” ~ Joe Biden

   Remember when we treated the flu with chicken soup, saltines and tea instead of commmunism?

   We lost our culture around the time we stopped smoking Marlboro Reds and started vaping strawberry cheesecake.

   These mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.

   Getting shot is my 2nd amendment right.

   The closest I've ever come to eating better is eating butter.

   I think when you get your photo taken for your driver’s license they should squirt you in the face with a water gun. Then your picture will have that annoyed and upset look to match when the cop pulls you over

   Every time I go to Baskin-Robbins their hamburger machine is broken.

   Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

   Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves...?

   Somebody please take Grandpa Biden's keys away before he drives us into a ditch. Oops, too late.

   What were electric eels called before the discovery of electricity?

   Quentinen and Tarantined by Writtin Directino

   Mexican word of the day: Pizza Sheet. Joe Biden is a pizza sheet.

   Had my physical today. After the doctor left another doctor came in & said the three words no man wants to hear: “Who was that?”