Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today on the History Channel: The world went crazy because...social media went missing for a few hours and they ended up getting work done...watch the devastating 5 part series saga

   Looks like facebook put itself in facebook jail

   Facebook went down on millions of users and all I can say is, You Whore!

   You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game? That's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.

   Sorry I slapped you, didn't seem like you would stop talking so I panicked.

   Not sure how people will react when they find out I'm actually a robot.

   In China, forklifts are called chop-stick lifts.

   Sold my homing pigeon 142 times last year on eBay.

   Has lost my mood ring, and I don’t know how it feels.

   Just pulled on a nose hair and one of my pubes disappeared.

   I hate when we go on a weekend trip and my wife forgets to pack her vagina.

   If she spits on her hot-dog before eating it, you are in for a treat my man.

   Jeremiah was and still is a bullfrog, but he has never caught a rabbit and he certainly aint no friend of mine.

   Five years investigating Trump’s taxes and Biden owes 500k. Lol

   What I learned from Gilligan's Island: You can go camping for five years wearing a pair of white pants and they will still look brand new.

   If my call is that important to them, why do I have to listen to Air Supply for 20 minutes before they answer?

   I support full facial nudity.

   If somebody has a 50 gallon barrel for rainwater please PM me, but I'm not going to pick it up because I don't need it.

   I had a dream that I got a job with Lynyrd Skynyrd, and then I woke up. I didn't even make it to my first live show.

   it me, or does Mike Lindell look like Paul Bearer from WWE?