Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you guys ever wonder who'd win that battle of the bands thing if they took the word 'battle' seriously

   My right-wing views brings all the Proud Boys to my yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you but I have to charge.

   Kentucky Fried Tornado

   Elton John is to release a charity record for victims of the Kentucky tornado disaster! "Candles In The Wind"

   No thanks. Jingle all the way sounds exhausting

   I went to the party store to buy a balloon and it was $3.25. When I was a kid that would’ve been a quarter at most. Then I realized… I guess that due to the cost of inflation

   » Developer in Progress » DiscordJS, Java

   I hate when the Doctor asks awkward questions. "Are you sexually active?" Depends on what you mean by "active". There are plenty of "active" volcanoes that haven't gone off in over 50 years.

   If there are kids singing Christmas carols outside, is it rude to open the door and throw beer cans at them? Because I just did that.

   Jussie, you've been found guilty but please don't beat yourself up over it.

   Can't wait for the fat man to show up on Christmas eve, and no I'm not talking about Trump.

   It's all fun and games. . . Until Santa checks the naughty list.

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   perkatory (PUR kah tawr ē) n.: The anguished, prolonged period of time waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to finish brewing.

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Here's a Christmas Idea for yas... Cheech and Chong advent calendars with 1 gram of different weed a day .

   I just want to be fit enough to put my seatbelt on, without crying.

   I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking.

   I'm all for minorities being able to vote, as long as they vote for Trump.

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.