Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 177 of 6384
You know how old I am? When I was in high school if someone had their underwear sticking up out of their pants we would have given him a snuggie.
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04-17-2022 00:02
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Divorce Log - 2007 I got out of the shower. My wife walked in and I said, "Excuse me, I'm not dressed." She goes, "No kidding. I didn't think you were carrying a wrinkly purse."
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04-16-2022 22:56
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If a Plant is sad, do other plants Photosympathize with it?
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04-16-2022 20:58
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Filled up my Escalade and paid my taxes today.
Also, I have a kidney for sale.
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04-16-2022 13:44
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Does anyone have any cool new ideas for grifting? My net worth is actually a negative number.
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04-16-2022 13:14 by Donald
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I was playing Bonopoly today. It's kinda like Monopoly, but the streets have no name.
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04-16-2022 10:44
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Word on the street is, Cookie Monster has tested positive for COVID. It's the Om nom nom nomicron variant.
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04-16-2022 00:05 by JCGJ
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Truth Social has been a bigger bust than 'I Heart Huckabee'.
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04-15-2022 14:01
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As a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious.
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04-15-2022 12:45
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Tell your wife her butt looks big in those jeans. Live a little.
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04-15-2022 12:42
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Dating advice: Don’t just tell her you have diarrhea, show her
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04-15-2022 12:41
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Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.
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04-15-2022 12:38
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We didn’t need tutors when I was a kid, we just cheated
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04-15-2022 12:38
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Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why I can not watch Breaking Bad.
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04-15-2022 12:37
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Does anyone know if you can declare Congress and the Senate as dependents when filing taxes this year?
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04-15-2022 12:36
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You had me at “I hate everyone too.”
Checked my media account and nobody cares that I went shopping. That’s okay karma will get them.
What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.
Girls are like strawberries, sometimes they’re at the grocery store.
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04-15-2022 02:03
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Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.