Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 172 of 6384
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
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04-20-2022 12:28
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Chris Wallace is having daily breakdowns over CNN+ sucking so bad.
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04-20-2022 12:27
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Censorship is why Twitter is at the bottom of Dante’s Hell.
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04-20-2022 12:26
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The State of Indiana should open an anonymous sperm bank called ‘Hoosier Daddy.’
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04-20-2022 11:43
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I read that low crab meals might help with my dyslexia.
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04-20-2022 11:43
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If Johnny Depp delivered his movie lines with the same speed at which he's testifying during his defamation trial, his films would be 6 hours long.
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04-20-2022 11:32
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Current life status – By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
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04-20-2022 10:52
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My dream job is to be a gargoyle spitting rainwater away from the foundation of a cathedral
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04-20-2022 10:51
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Up until five minutes ago I thought Coachella was a Disney Princess who made expensive handbags.
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04-20-2022 10:50
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A spider crawled out of the head of broccoli I was washing and that’s what I get for not ordering pizza
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04-20-2022 10:49
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Best moment to sleep: 5% - in the evening, 95% - in the morning.
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04-20-2022 10:49
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The boyhood home of Bill Clinton has been designated as a National Historic Site. It's great, but I hope it stops there. Because there are a million places that can say 'Bill Clinton Slept Here
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04-20-2022 10:47
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420, remember to leave out milk and cookies for Willie Nelson and Snoop Dog..
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04-20-2022 10:46
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My wife is a s3x object. Every time I want to have s3x, she’ll object.
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04-20-2022 08:02
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If I do a job in 30 minutes, it’s because it took me 25 years to learn how. You owe me for the years, not the minutes.
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04-20-2022 02:04
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Cats have 32 muscles in each ear to help them ignore you.
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04-20-2022 02:03
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Her: Say something hot. Him: Burn in hell.
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04-20-2022 02:03
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When a dog wags it’s tail, it’s happy. When a cat wags it’s tail, step back.
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04-20-2022 02:02
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The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.
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04-20-2022 02:02
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Dang Gurl, are you an appendix? Because this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out.
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04-20-2022 02:01
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