Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 163 of 6384
I’m embarrassed to live in a world that’s allowed 9 fast and furious movies
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05-02-2022 09:55
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I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
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05-02-2022 09:09
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If you think about it, The Kentucky Derby is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
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05-02-2022 09:09
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Just might make a career change....I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes
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05-02-2022 09:08
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With all the controversy surrounding public restrooms, I am now identifying myself as 'waiting til I get my arse home'
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05-02-2022 09:08
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Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple twice for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.
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05-02-2022 09:07
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I told my boss today I wanted to take some mental health leave but I was all out. He said "You're all out of leave?" I said "No, I'm all out of mental health."
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05-02-2022 09:07
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I was surprised to learn that Elon Musk was from South Africa. I figured he would be from Mad-at-gas-car...
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05-02-2022 08:45 by Gabe
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“Fact Checkers” didn’t exist until the truth started getting out.
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05-02-2022 03:28 by Mary
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Brain: Don’t press send! Heart: But, we’re in love. Brain: We only met her yesterday!
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05-02-2022 02:28 by Joe_Joe
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Her: I have ovaries. Him: Is that why you ovary act?
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05-01-2022 22:00 by Lucas
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Now that the statues are down, tell us how your life has improved. Take your time, I’ll wait.
If I die, don’t let me vote for Biden.
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05-01-2022 20:46
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Papa Bear: Read the part again where she burns her whore mouth on my porridge.
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05-01-2022 20:03 by Billy
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It’s okay to be sad after making the right decision.
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05-01-2022 19:56
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When you find out he can cook, has correct grammar and runs a meme page. (next thing I knew, I was pregnant)
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05-01-2022 19:13 by Lidia
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It’s nice outside, I think I’ll go sit on the patio. (1207 mosquitos like this)
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04-30-2022 15:41
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Yeah drugs are cool, but have you ever had ice water at 2:00am?
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04-30-2022 15:41
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It took you 15 minutes to get home, google maps says it takes 12. Who is she?
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04-30-2022 15:40
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When you click “accept cookies” but then you don’t get any cookies.
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04-30-2022 15:40
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