Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sandstorms? Nahson.. It's called, crunchy sandwiches for a week

   What if Sam Kinison were still alive.. And someone tried to assault him onstage?

   How will people learn from their mistakes without other people to tell them "I told you so"?

   Did you hear about the boat that sunk on the 5th of May that had all that mayonnaise on it? It was called, Sinko the Mayo.

   In a world full of hate, Be Kind.

   Travel and tell no one. Live a true love story and tell no one. Live happily and tell no one. People ruin beautiful things.

   Sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.

   When someone tells you to hang on, but you hang up because you didn’t want to talk to them anyway.

   Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.

   It’s better to appear strange to others than to be a stranger to yourself.

   Maaaaay The 4th Be With You

   Food is my favorite F-word.

   Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.

   With you, may the fourth be — Yoda

   Strong with this fourth day of may, the force is — Yoda

   lol, did anyone actually read Exodus 21? Take a read and feel dumb.

   AOC should read Exodus 21: 22-25 in the Bible to show how wrong she really is.

   In other news… Elon Musk is now going to also buy McDonald's so he can fix all the ice cream machines.

   If your IQ is 35 but you think it’s 220, you’re probably a moron.

   I realized how non-materialistic I am. To me, a step up the social ladder isn't a new car, house, or clothes... it's the rare occasion when I line the waste paper basket in the bathroom with a Target bag instead of one from Wal-Mart.