Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Coffee: More than four cups and you can talk to electricity.

   When your girl takes her top off, but the antidepressants have killed your sex drive. Boobies, yes, I remember.

   Wish I was a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.

   “You’re a lucky man” is a nice way of telling a guy you would bang his woman.

   There are two kinds of people when you explain that all drugs should be legal.

   You didn’t think the left would give up their thought police monopoly without a fight, did you? ~ Feds open investigation into Elon Musk.

   Truth ~ only visible to those who question everything that they have been taught to believe.

   There are two kinds of nerds: May the force be, - equal to mass times acceleration.

   Han Solo: Han open carries, hates trade regulations, tax fees and Imperial overreach. Be like Han.

   Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”

   Being yelled at by a self-checkout machine is so humiliating. Everyone can hear you getting lectured by a little robot.

   They’re sending another 40 billion in aid to eastern Europe while our babies starve. That ought to make you mad as hell.

   Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”

   Old Turkish Proverb: “When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king, the palace becomes a circus.”

   I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.

   What with unwanted pregnancies, social diseases and failed relationships, the Love Boat reboot will be titled the "Tug" Boat.

   Left the back door open at my friend's house and her roomba escaped. Hope he goes on an adventure and cleans the whole world

   The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.

   Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.

   You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.