Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Got kicked out of the secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.

   Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll try to use it.

   Need some advice? Go read a book, read several, it’s free. You’re welcome.

   When you’re condemned daily, yet you continue because you’re as dense as a mud flap.

   Please explain again your loathing for woman but want desperately to become one. We find you utterances disturbing yet intriguing.

   Hold fast friends, the developmentally challenged cream puff would like to submit another unintelligible contribution.

   Anyone know when the monkeypox stimulus checks hit?

   Remember this: Johnny Depp is a superior actor over Amber Heard. This also applies to courtroom direct and cross examinations.

   Rockville: A butt load of 3rd rate bands that would have never attained the low level of success they've achieved if it weren't for the internet.

   Excuse me while I exponentially click like on my posts that I steaI.

   Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.

   Really miss the days when the biggest scandal was that Trump drank water with two hands and ate chicken with a fork.

   Disney’s favorability collapses from 77% to 33% in one year. Boom!

   Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.

   When the internet collectively bullies the “Ministry of Truth” to the point it’s dissolved before even starting. I am so proud of this community.

   Monkeypox & the 11 people who still believe the media.

   Pros and cons of making kids. Pros: making, Cons: kids

   They say I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll just see about that.

   Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven whilst I slumber in yon bedchamber.

   Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.