Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 132 of 6384
Ole Nancy and the other baby murderers are crying awful hard today...
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06-24-2022 11:12
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Can't think of a better way to end pride month
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06-24-2022 10:48
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Truth is like surgery; it hurts but it heals. A lie is like a painkiller; it gives instant relief but has terrible side effects.
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06-24-2022 01:05
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U don git da bug if you already da illest, knowahimsayin
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06-24-2022 00:55
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like a squirrel, tired from busting nuts all day.
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06-24-2022 00:54
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Just because they pull up next to you doesn’t mean they want to race. But better safe than be a loser.
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06-24-2022 00:54
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When people tell me “you’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon, because I’m a problem solver.
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06-24-2022 00:53
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I’m not challenging your authority; I’m denying it completely.
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06-24-2022 00:53
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You’d be surprised how quickly employees will assist you after you try to start a chainsaw.
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06-24-2022 00:52
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I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
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06-24-2022 00:51
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The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.
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06-24-2022 00:49
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Ever since it’s been brought to my attention that you can say Covid 19 to the tune of, Come on Eileen, I’ve been unable to read it any other way.
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06-24-2022 00:48
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My new dentist moonlights as a proctologist. He gives out toothbrushes called Anal-B.
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06-23-2022 15:35
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Half of the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
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06-23-2022 01:24
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Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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The death toll rises: A man dies of a heart attack a year and a half after eating a corndog at the Jan. 6th riots.
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06-21-2022 22:48
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there anything I can destroy or eat in here? No? Well, you’re lucky to have me. ~ The Cat
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06-21-2022 22:46
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Running a country is like riding a bike. ~ Joe Biden
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06-21-2022 22:46
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Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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