Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 130 of 6384
Mexican word of the day: Bodywash. “No bodywash CNN because they’re fake news.”
←Rate |
06-28-2022 23:43
Comments (0)
A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.
←Rate |
06-28-2022 23:42
Comments (0)
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That's why I think of jogging every morning...
←Rate |
06-28-2022 17:33
Comments (0)
A baby was born laughing really hard with it’s fists closed! The confused Doctor unfolded it’s tiny fingers, & found a birth control pill.
←Rate |
06-28-2022 14:54
Comments (0)
The only intelligent tactical response to life’s horrors, is to laugh defiantly at it.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:09
Comments (0)
Pretty sure we’re at that point in the game where everyone just rolls the dice in quiet disgust while waiting to be completely wiped out.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:08
Comments (0)
There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:07
Comments (0)
Silver Alert: Elderly white male, early dementia, yells “C’mon Man!”
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:07
Comments (0)
Confucius says ~ He who wear mask alone in car, also wear condom alone in bed.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:06
Comments (0)
Are you a ceiling fan? Because I need someone to blow me while I sleep.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:06
Comments (0)
My tongue itches, can I scratch it on your baby maker?
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:05
Comments (0)
Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:05
Comments (0)
Little boy: Daddy, do trees poop? Dad: Of course, that’s how we get number 2 pencils.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:04
Comments (0)
Started investing in stocks: Chicken, Beef, Vegetable… One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:03
Comments (0)
Guns don't kill people. Abortionists do.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 23:59
Comments (0)
A friend asked me to play the part of Brutus in an upcoming play about Julius Caesar. I told him that I would take a stab at it.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 22:17
Comments (0)
It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts. Mahatma Gandhi
←Rate |
06-26-2022 15:31
Comments (0)
And a step backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction
←Rate |
06-26-2022 15:20
Comments (0)
The Supreme Court is like regular court, except it comes with sour cream and tomatoes.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 08:27 by Danyul
Comments (0)
Wish there was such a thing as a biscuits and gravy truck, and it played bluegrass music over the loudspeaker when it drove through neighborhoods.
←Rate |
06-26-2022 00:16
Comments (0)