Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 125 of 6384
Weird how the paranormal investigators always assume the ghosts speak English.
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07-06-2022 08:15
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Anyone that tells you money can’t buy happiness, doesn’t know where to shop.
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07-06-2022 00:22
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My last relationship ended cause he wanted a long distance relationship, well he told me to go to hell
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07-06-2022 00:21 by Luka
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From now on, I’m telling prospective employers that I was the General Manager at Toy’s-R-Us. Who tf they gonna call?
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07-06-2022 00:21
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Tu Youyou ~ The first woman to win a Nobel Prize for medicine. Also known for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.
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07-06-2022 00:20
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The British are coming, put up your gun free zone signs and run to the safe spaces.
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07-06-2022 00:19
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You know what horror game enemies need? Big boobs. I mean a real set of badonkers, that would be frightening.
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07-06-2022 00:19
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If you get bit by a shark, bite it back. You’re probably still gonna die, but the shark will be like, lol wtf?
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07-06-2022 00:18
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Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.
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07-06-2022 00:16
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In a thousand or so years, archaeologists are going to dig up tanning beds and think we cooked people as punishment.
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07-05-2022 17:19
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There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
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07-05-2022 15:03
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Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.
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07-05-2022 14:58
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The self checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
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07-05-2022 14:56
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The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
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07-05-2022 14:53
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Can Chloroform really knock someone out instantly like in the movies? Asking for a friend.
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07-05-2022 11:01
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I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. Then he met a man who had no legs. Then he met a man who had no brain. And that ended right there with Joe Biden.
When you’re about as useless as the “g” in lasagna.
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07-05-2022 01:54
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That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s, but you still can’t do it.
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07-05-2022 01:53
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I follow the call of the disco ball.
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07-05-2022 01:52
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Are you suffering from a lack of vitamin me?
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07-05-2022 01:52
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