Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 112 of 6384
If you’re looking to work 2 hours a day, 3 days a week for about $1000 a week please contact me!............... We can look for it together.
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07-29-2022 08:15
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Guess what I did..I nicknamed my urethra, Franklin.
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07-29-2022 08:15
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As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You are all crazy.
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07-29-2022 08:15
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I’m planning to adopt a dog soon..., it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.
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07-29-2022 08:14
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Yep the relationship my wife and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.
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07-29-2022 08:14
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Dr says to her 80 year old hard of hearing female patient You look very weak & exhausted are you having 3 meals 3 times a day as advised? 80 year old Female replies I thought you said 3 males.
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07-29-2022 08:13
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Once in third grade I karate kicked at a popular girl because she was making fun of me and my shoe flew off and went directly into her mouth. So, yes, I guess you could say I know a thing or two about martial arts.
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07-29-2022 08:12
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Her: I want you to wreck my guts Me: *undercooks her chicken*
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07-29-2022 08:11
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Some mornings I just want to punch people in the face before they could even speak because I know they’ll definitely deserve it later in the day !!
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07-29-2022 08:11
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Lotto Max is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.
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07-28-2022 20:10 by JCGJ
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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07-28-2022 01:23
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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
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07-28-2022 01:23
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Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
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07-28-2022 01:22
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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07-28-2022 01:22
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All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
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07-28-2022 01:21
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Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand.
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07-28-2022 01:21
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Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.
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07-28-2022 01:20
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Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
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07-28-2022 01:20
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If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
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07-28-2022 01:19
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A day without laughter is a day wasted.
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07-28-2022 01:18
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