Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today I asked SIRI to recommend an apple product I can afford. She replied Apple Juice.

   How did Jesus find guys named: Peter, John, James, Matthew, Andrew, Phillip, Thomas, and Simon in the Middle East?

   I still miss that part of 2020 when it was illegal for people to come near me

   How to blow a blind date: Look at the menu, make your eyes huge and say, "I think I'll just have some water."

   Ive never seen a Dragon with fruit on it... I think its a scam by" big fruit " to get more $$$

   I don't know why hetero guys my age are so down on gays. Most of their wives look like men anyway.

   Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.

   With all the bioengineering going on, why don't they cross egg-laying chickens with dairy cows? It'd save a step when making French toast.

   People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

   You know, if you name your kid Jeeves. You've pretty much mapped out his career.