Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   GaryKoenig, please, for the love of God STOP, you lame asshole.

   Members of Generation X have no definable traits other than being responsible for breeding the misguided Generation Z whackoffs.

   If everything tastes like us, then why do we have to die? –Chickens

   to the lady with all the hot selfies who claims she could steal my husband if she wanted... I will have him ready for you at 3

   Question, Does the term don't drop the soap in jail apply to women prisons?

   If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.

   If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

   Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.

   It turns out as you get older you don’t actually figure anything out, you just don’t have the energy to care anymore.

   Whoever is controlling me at this game sucks ...