Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   perfected the art of making Ramen Noodles in the microwave!

   FACEBOOK..... YOU ARE NOT MY THERAPIST!!! DONT ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE!

   thinks her inner skinny girl was eaten by her inner fat girl....

   People say I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   ust read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them.

   puts the pro in procrastinate

   going to freeze some sperm for later use in life, but wonders if the ice cube tray makes a suitable container

   ..is anyone hungry for cat food? I know Iam!

   Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

   Never Drink & Drive. You May Spill The Drink

   Facebook must be Female. . .just when I think i've figured her out. . . she changes

   At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

   dreams of one day moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

   lives in her own world... They know me here.

   trying to figure out a way to text 'off' to my alarm so I don't have to get up.

   currently starring in your "Live Feed" ... you may also remember her from past sites such as "News Feed" or your original "Home Page".

   How does a lesbian hold her liquor? By the ears.

   would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.

   loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.

   I think it's suiting for the letter 'y' to be at the end of the word of each day, it makes you question your days a little. Like why does round pizza come in a square box or why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp?