Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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starting to miss 80s and 90s music. Lil Wayne? Soulja Boy? Miley Cirus? Jonas Brothers? 
drinks beer to keep people employed
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of any person who ruins my day and may their arms be too short to scratch
thinks Saturdays are like pre-school. You spend all day doing nothing productive and, as a reward, you get to take a nap.
can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before she discovered Facebook...
I am starting my diet and exercise program next Monday – I am tired of looking like I ATE four children instead of like I HAVE four children…
Just saw this on the back of a car: "My child is an honor student, but my president is a moron."
gonna laugh 2 years from now when all of those people who thought the world was gonna end on Dec. 22, 2012 realize that they are still gonna have to go out and buy Christmas presents.....
...was a child, she spoke as a child, thought as a child; when she grew up she put away childish things... But then she discovered FaceBook!
thinking Scientists do it on the table... periodically
Dear Santa: I would like a bailout and a bonus. I have been really bad this year and therefore I deserve it.
thinks that now that I know there's water on the moon, your natural spring water from the Swiss Alps bores me.
If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world! You just can`t get rid of it once its on you
wondering if there is such a thing called the "WHINE" flu... If so I am pretty sure my kids have it
not going to college...shes becoming a Burrito Taster!
I don't have a short attention span...................Ooo Shiny!!
accidentally gave himself a "Dutch Oven".
it was all good just a week ago.
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