Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I see…. and is the “Orange Man” in the room with us right now?

   Biden: “Your hair smells good.” Chewbacca: wtf???

   If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.

   A big shout-out to ATM fees, for making me buy my own money.

   Stop calling yourself hot; the only thing you turn on is the microwave.

   Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

   Girls think 50 times before buying lipstick but always choose the wrong guy.

   A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

   We now have reason to believe Biden ripped the tag off his mattress in 1987.

   When she grabs your booty and whispers, “thick a$$-niggggaa imma get you pregnant.”

   If I say I’ll be there in a few minutes, stop calling me every hour.

   Pro Tip: If you drink enough beer, your Tinder date starts to look like their profile picture.

   Biden: No more gas stoves!

   We used to pay for ringtones, but now if your phone makes any noise, you’re 100 years old.

   If you're in a restaurant waiting for the waiter, aren't you the waiter?

   Clicked on a strange message and now it burns when I pee.

   Stop killing mountains to make Mountain Dew!

   Million Dollar Idea: Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets that may cause drowsiness.

   You’re not bipolar, you’re just two stupid bi!ches in one.

   Let me get this straight, we can send 40 billion to eastern Europe, but Elon Musk buying Twitter for 40 billion could have solved world hunger?