Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Amazonesia: When you forgot what you ordered this time.
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12-13-2024 01:05
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Silent farts, deadly farts, all was calm, not for long 😂
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12-13-2024 01:04
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If you ever jacked off to my pic you owe me like $5
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12-12-2024 00:41
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Hey girl, are you a ketchup bottle? Because I’m gonna flip you over, hit it from the back and make you squirt.
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12-13-2024 00:52
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What doesn’t kill you, makes you kind of nervous for the rest of your life.
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12-13-2024 01:21
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I fart on a first date.
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12-13-2024 01:25
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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “diet” has the word die in it.
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12-13-2024 01:24
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Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
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06-27-2022 03:05
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Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
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01-13-2023 02:41
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All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
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01-04-2023 02:36
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My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
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01-13-2023 02:48
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Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
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01-19-2023 01:55
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What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
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01-23-2023 03:43
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The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
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01-06-2023 17:52
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May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
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06-27-2022 03:07
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I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
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07-23-2022 23:28
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Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
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01-23-2023 03:45
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