Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   running with scissors and eating paste

   hoping to be abducted on Monday and set free on Friday...I know its a pretty wishful thinking.

   It's my birthday and I'll lie if I want to.

   : If Blind people wear Dark Glasses...why don't Deaf people wear Earmuffs?

   wonders...If 7-11 is open 24hrs a Day, 365 Days a year......Why are there locks on the door?

   Bloody speed cameras are a complete con. Not only do the photos take about five weeks to arrive, but they cost £75 a picture.

   campaigning early... 'Anyone Else 2012'

   ,"for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son,that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."JOHN 3:16

   not an actor on TV but is one in real life.

   If your having facial spasms I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a twitch aint one.

   The first person who milked a cow... wtf were they doing there?

   You don't have to change much to change everything.

   marriage? no thanks I can't mate in captivity.

   duct tape is like violence: If it's not working, you're not using enough of it.

   likes huge ( . )Y( . )

   doesn't blame Congress. If I had 600 billion does I would be irresponsible too...

   auditioned to be the 5th Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but sadly, is too old.

   Sexy,Single and ready to mingle!!!

   waking up in vegas

   has not lost his mind; it's backed up on disk somewhere.