Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The worst feeling you'll ever feel is sitting next to the person who means the world to you knowing that you mean nothing to them ...

   We made Gingerbread Man cookies today, and I'm still laughing. My kids were acting out Shrek with them, and one was Lord Farquad: "I'm not the monster, you are! Now tell me where are the others!" The other was the GBM: "Eat Me!" Christmas with kids = win

   kissed a girl [then click "like"]

   just been diagnosed with as serious case of idontgiveacrapitis.

   sometimes I feel like a crayon in a box full of markers...

   According to a new poll, 26 percent of unemployed adults blame George W. Bush for the high unemployment rate. The other 74 percent blame the fact that they majored in English literature.

   Harry Reid is a cotton head ninny muggin

   Question: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down? Answer: He heard the snowblower coming!

   smile it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth

   wanders if a turtle lost it's shell would it be homeless or naked? :)

   if good girls sit on santa's lap, do bad ones sit on his face?

   knows God is no mechanic, but he gives great repairs!

   borrowing money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

   not fighting his way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   reminding you that Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   Talk about global warming..I just saw a Tiger on the Appalachian trail

   was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy

   A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.  He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing...... 

   If it wasn't for my random sputterings insane ramblings and wild hallucinations I'd be as normal as you.

   never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version.?