Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Try this experiment: The next time someone says "Oh, I'm fine..." look them square in the eyes and say "Tell me the truth." Sometimes all people really want is someone to take an interest. Show them you care all the time, not just at Christmas.

   All we need to survive is, one person who truly loves us

   all alone on christmas so why not get drunk ? Beers in the fridge !

   “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”

   I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock.

   airing of grievances and the demonstration of feats of strength started TODAY you moron! if you're going to TRY to be funny atleast be accurate! D-BAG

   super glued Al Gore's mouth in an effort to prevent further global warming

   asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)

   looking forward to the family tradition of listening to the UK's No 1 after Xmas dinner. Can't wait to see the look on my mum's face!

   doesn't need to go to the gym, he gets enough exercises by pushing his luck, jumping into conclusions and letting his mind run wild!!!

   Dear Santa, Define Good. Love X

   read a Chinese newspaper at lunch. After I was done, I felt the need to read another newspaper.

   the airing of grievances and the demonstration of feats of strength will begin exactly at 8.00 p.m tommorrow...........dont forget to shine your pole..........

   Washington D.C. got a ton of snow last weekend. When it snows hard enough in D.C., the city shuts down and Congress can't get anything done. You know, sort of like when it's not snowing.

   in 2013 i'm gonna watch 2012 and laugh

   wants to remind you that we only have to be good for one more day.

   I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your get your ugly yellow no good kester off my property, before I pump your gust full of led 1....2.... 10

   To America's welfare recipients..."your welcome for a great year and a free Christmas"...from the rest of us hard working Americans that work for hard your well being every day.  

   i wonder why, I never wondered why the easiest things are so hard

   that if you were pots and pans, he'd bang you on New Year's Eve.