Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders who the smart a$$ is putting all the w's in the M&M's?

   one good wish changing nothing, one good decision changes everything!

   The vet confirmed my dog is now officially lame. I'll start walking her in Ed Hardy gear then

   why does it seem like Toys 'R Us just threw up in my living room???

   remember the good old days when Nigerians were just scamming people on the internet...

   ▂ ▃ ▅ ▆ █ AT&T 3G - I got your map right HERE Verizon!

   enjoying a nice bottle of vintage DayQuil '09. The texture is like honey, taste like crap with touch of lemon

   would rather check Facebook, than face his checkbook!

   Some people stick their foots in their mouth every once in a while. Every once in a while I pull mine out.

   playing his oompa loompa flute while wrapped in a snuggy

   Now that food has replaced sex,I can't even get into my own pants.

   Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really did'nt want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.

   Even Its Complicated Relationship Status iz Too Complicated For Me

   Life is too complicated in the morning.

   Gotta [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to make you Holler

   has the 3 best friends that anyone can have. ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ (from the movie "Hangover")

   thinks the Amsterdam smoke shops should begin limiting marijuana consumption to the Nigerians that are about to board planes heading to Detroit.

   Now is the time to get ready for 2010! Whatever your plans, write them out and map your way!

   there are no shortcuts to any place worth going...

   I trust you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do tonight