Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem

   'GO GREEN AND USE BOTH SIDES OF THE TOLIET ROLL'

   Sticks an stones will break my bones, but This Shovel will knock you the F*ck out!!

   passed a homeless guy on the way to the Coinstar machine today. "Sorry, I have no change"...man was that awkward.....

   Congrats to Obama for his Oscar win for best acting by a Politician last night ! !

   congrats to obama's teleprompter on its best supporting win at the oscars last night

   The hottest love has the coldest end !!!, Boyfriends come and go, but friends r forever.. enjoy ur SINGLE life

   EVERY man agrees with his woman until she opens her mouth (to talk !)

   golf helps him maintain his higher math skills.

   working today to stamp out, eliminate and erradicate redundancy...

   When I die, I'm hoping that I have left a mark. As long as it's not in my underwear.

   forcing herself out of bed and off to work and thinking that retirement is wasted on the old!

   sharing his loneliness with a cup of Nescafé

   just found an excellent heroin dealer! His name is Al Vishniac and his address is 987 E. 7th st, Apt. 4-A.

   we know its women's day today so ladies will you stop flooding facebook with ur stupid updates and liking other women updates.. its not your birthday

   YOUR interest in your own kids: 100% Everybody else's interest in YOUR kids: 0.3%

   it seems like facebook and apple have something in common...apple has the slogan there's an app for that...facebook should have a slogan that says there's a fan page for that.

   Facebook is the epitome of six degrees of separation.

   loves eating big meals. I especially love a 7 course meal, of which my best is a cheese burger and a six pack of beer.....

   Her personal problems can only be solved using high explosives.