Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   neurosurgeon: *removes Gary Koenig brain to blow on it and put it back in*

   Calling it the Philadelphia Zoo is redundant.

   Looks like GaryKoenig is back. Afraid to use his name on the jokes that are the same and still so very lame. lame

   Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors’ house, they’re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.

   I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

   I just hate it when I buy a bag of air and there's chips in it.

   Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes? This is why I stay up at nights.

   There are approximately zero ways to chase paper in the wind without looking like the village idiot

   told my homie I was goin thru it and this mf said “go around it”

   Do you have at least 15 tattoos? – final question at interview to work in a kitchen in 2025

   Probably sitting at home in his mom's basement.

   Hey! Where's the TDS afflicted loudmouth been?

   Does extra virgin olive come with a comic book subscription?

   Philadelphia has more assholes than any other city.

   I can nott wait for poast today so I can give hundred tumbz doun whil play wit my dikc in my othur hand

   Poor TeaJae. Still a loser.

   The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

   Dat no funny I dontt get it I hit tumb down a lot becauthe I hav down sindroam

   The Dow goes sky high, just as expected, and will go higher when more trade deals are announced. All the l€ft talks about is Qatar giving us a jet, and how they were roughed up for bum-rushing an ICE facility.

   I like to eat some weird and uncanny food combinations that would otherwise upset a normal person's stomach. So I guess you could call me "The Indigestible Hulk"