Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

   Business truth: The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of the building.

   Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.

   If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger ...

   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

   My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

   Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

   Skipping the new "Jackass" movie... already saw Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar on "The View" this week.

   The Killer in me is the Killer in you.

   What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? “Must be an earthquake.”

   hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.

   I guess yankee fans wont update there statuss!!

   This just in......Deanna Farve, wife of Brett Farve, has issued a statement saying that the cell phone pics weren't meant for Jenn Sterger but they were meant to be sent to her. She was quoted as saying, "They were supposed to be sent to me but you know B

   NFL Update: Favre Reports Stiffness.

   Parent:What does 'WTF' mean?! Kid:ummm...welcome to facebook!

   Brock Lesnar will kick Cain Velasquez ass!!!

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   Sasquatch is messin with me.

   thinks more people would take Sara Palin seriously if she lowered the tonal quality of her voice. Ow, my freakin' ears!!