Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Society would improve leaps and bounds if people would just stop putting those stupid Transformers emblems on their cars.

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   Remembers the dude that answered his door in sweats and a motley crue tshirt who forgot it was Halloween? He rumages through his cupboards and out of guilt gives you 10 pop tarts and a tube of pringles...........Halloween Jackpot.........

   Okay so who really has the boardwalk piece from McDonalds??

   watched several people 'ducking' while running through the rain tonight ... does that really help?

   Dear Tummy , sorry for all the butterflies . Dear Pillow , sorry for all the tears . Dear Heart , sorry for all the damage . Dear Brain , you were right .

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.

   We already won, we already won, we get Lebron James, it's already done...NOT.

   All this 'get on my level' $hit seriously... get ya head out ya a$$, no one cares about your make believe levels of life.

   Wonders if a cow from china would understand a cow from the US or do they moo different languages?

   just getting jiggy with it!

   the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation. Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.

   Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader.

   maybe Lebron left his talents in South Beach.

   Sometimes, the problem is your underwear.

   Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?

   If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

   thinking about trick or treating at the local brothel this Sunday. That way I can have both and don't have to choose.

   What do you call a rooster with erectile dysfunction? Boneless chicken

   Possible slogan for inferior Tampon Co. "We're not number one, but we're still up there!".