Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well they put enough sand on the roads to where even if it doesn't snow it will still be a change of scenery and look like a beach .

   as useless as a windshield wiper on a submarine.

   Marriage tip: Don't

   Attention fuels immaturity.

   Marriage tip: If you are sleeping in separate beds everynight its time to call it quits.

   Latest news from Egypt: نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست I will keep ya'll informed if anything else changes.

   If state farm was like a good neighbor they would had plowed my driveway today for me.

   Go ahead....make my day!

   The Insomnia Train has arrived. I didn't want to board, but I was shoved. Now I'm sitting here, I have no clue where I'll end up and I don't like the company. I sure wish it was The Crazy Train instead.

   PETA would like to remind the protesters in EGYPT: FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH, PLEASE DON'T SMOKE THE CAMELS!!!!

   It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.

   Dear the Midwest, ha ha ha ha ha! Your friend the south

   I don't fear love's magic, I just fear some magicians.

   Facebook Commandment I: Thou shalt not hold a separate conversation under someone's status post.

   I think Martin Lawrence should just come out of the closet and admit he's a crossdresser already.

   I'm was wondering, just what funky music WAS that white boy playing anyway?

   Facebook Commandment II: Thou shalt not be caught taking a photo of thyself in the bathroom mirror and posting on FB or thou shall be slapped!

   Watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...I'm sorry but I'm a sick, sick woman. I can't stop!

   Would it change the way you feel about me if I admitted that I have a special love for the BeeGees?

   that Punxsutawney Phil, or are you just happy to see me?