Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Cookie Monster loved cookies so much, he sure did waste a lot while eating them. I need to know.

   it’s 2025. why do we not have caffeinated mashed potatoes yet?

   Pickles are great..until you’re in one.

   “I never go through the express lane when I exceed the product number limit” -me, flirting

   F*** friends with benefits, give me bedable arrangements.

   Red states are much poorer than blue states. Because blue states are educated. And red states are full of morons.

   Right now, is the first time in human history that anyone anywhere on the planet can use the words "he's a f**king idiot" and everyone else knows exactly who they're talking about.

   This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's become a complete embarrassment

   messageicon This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's become a complete embarrassment

   This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's been, complete embarrassment

   Donald Trump is an idiot

   I hate it when I lose my black friend in the hood.

   I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping my gas.

   NOTHING says "party of the everyman" quite like two born-to-riches nepo baby billionaire douchbags selling $80,000 cars on the White House lawn.

   Marriage tip: If your wife cooks, make sure the smoke detector has good batteries in it!

   It takes a very special idiot to drive the worlds largest economy off a cliff in 7 weeks

   I read somewhere that being sarcastic on a daily basis can add up to three years to your life. If that's true, I'm gonna live forever.

   I have a love/hate relationship with Daylight Saving Time. I love it in the evening, but I hate it in the morning.

   I'm all for gay rights. I wish Donald Trump and JD Vance the best. Now we wait for the video of Putin joining them for a three-way, recorded by Elon. A four-way circle jerk if you will.

   Look at all the pitiful haters out there making gay jokes about me as though it were some sort of insult. I thought you supported gay rights? But now it's supposed to be a negative thing? LOL