Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well, well, well, Trump is siding with Putin once again. Lovers in a dangerous time.

   A couple bad apples in a bunch doesn't mean that the whole bunch is bad.

   I got to face the facts. My orange loser will never darken the doors of the white house ever again. Not even as a tourist.

   It is said that every day is a gift. Can I get a copy of the receipt so I can exchange it for something else?

   What if they close all the grocery stores and we have to go back to hunting for our food? I don't even know where Twinkies live...

   They say do what you do best. Stripper pole, here I come.

   Just checking to see if we're still suppose to be pissed off at who performed at the Superbowl halftime show.

   Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job... What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?

   Sometimes you just have to play the role of a fool in order to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   A farmer friend of mine is really upset today. His wife sent him a Deere John letter.

   My wife basically has two problems: Nothing to wear and not enough closet space.

   Personally, I don't believe in Bros Before Hoes or Hoes Before Bros. There needs to be a balance. Sort of a homie-hoe-stasis.

   Epstein sells girls and his bank accounts go untouched. But Canadian truckers and the My Pillow Guy get shut down?

   I spent 15 minutes changing my oil and then 20 minutes strutting around my garage thinking, "Sheeeeyah. I know what I'm doing."

   I got mood poisoning from work....has anyone else had that problem?

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all of your keys at the same time.

   Trudeau is having his goons physically harm Canadians and steal their money, all in the name of protecting their health.

   God does love gays, but only if they are tops.

   Being in a relationship means being able to solve problems together; problems you would not have if you were single.

   OK, OK! I can't take it anymore. I let the damn dogs out, all right?