Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wish me luck guys, I am interviewing tomorrow for a new job at Old McDonald's Farm for the C-I-E-I-O position.

   In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

   Far more deadly than any gun is the human brain. Will they make brains illegal soon? Some of you don’t need to worry about that.

   Cognitive Dissonance ~ Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they’re presented with evidence against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted.

   If you could travel in time, show up at the appropriate moments throughout history and smother heinous characters’ in their cribs, would you do it?

   Gaslighting ~ people who try to control others through manipulation will often accuse you of behaviors that they are engaged in themselves. A classic manipulation tactic ripped right from the leftist playbook.

   Me: trying to be polite. Mmm… this tastes like something I only want to eat once.

   Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall. When it rang, I’d pick it up not knowing who was calling. Amazing I’m still alive.

   Head locked in gridlock, oozing through Flanders White kicker magic plants poppies of remembrance Popeye remembers a cycloptic monster 23 years late, 23 years late.

   We will never create enough laws to control evil. Evil does not obey laws.

   Catch Some Z's ~ It was first used to represent snoring and sleep in a 1903 comic strip called Katzenjammer Kids. Comic book artists used “z” in their work because of its association with the English idiom “sawing wood.”

   I’m sorry, the internet has ruined me. Whenever you say “shingles,” all I see in my head is Sean Connery scrolling through a dating app.

   Coffee so strong, that for like 4 minutes you have hope.

   If you’re afraid to live your life, then you have already died.

   Were you a kid who stirred their ice cream with a spoon until it was soup, or were you normal?

   Better not be in here spreading truth. ~ Zuckerberg

   Talking to someone who decided to call instead of text: Yes, that’s correct… And, the horse you rode in on.

   When your landlord finds all your dog collars and leashes, but you don’t have a dog. ~ I’m a kinky girl, I’m a very kinky girl.

   ...wildly disproportionate accountability for trvial transgressions...zero accountability for profound institutional failure...

   The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is 19 good guys with guns 78 minutes after they should have intervened.