Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Han Solo: Han open carries, hates trade regulations, tax fees and Imperial overreach. Be like Han.

   Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”

   Being yelled at by a self-checkout machine is so humiliating. Everyone can hear you getting lectured by a little robot.

   They’re sending another 40 billion in aid to eastern Europe while our babies starve. That ought to make you mad as hell.

   Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”

   Old Turkish Proverb: “When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king, the palace becomes a circus.”

   I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.

   What with unwanted pregnancies, social diseases and failed relationships, the Love Boat reboot will be titled the "Tug" Boat.

   Left the back door open at my friend's house and her roomba escaped. Hope he goes on an adventure and cleans the whole world

   The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.

   Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.

   You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.

   Welcome to Oregon, tampons are in every boy’s bathrooms.

   Fact checkers: He didn’t say that, and if he did he didn’t mean it, and if he did you don’t understand it, and if you did it’s not a big deal, and if it is, it’s taken out of context, at least mean orange man gone.

   Soon, the public will be unable to think or reason for themselves. They’ll only be able to parrot the information that was given to them on the previous night’s news.

   The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier it’s laws.

   Back in my day they would cut cocaine with baby formula. Nowadays they cut baby formula with cocaine

   With the shortage that's going on ..Are any of the pregnant men donating their breast milk? Or are they keeping it all for themselves,

   Stock trading secret: Pick a stock that you know is going to go up and buy a lot of it. Then watch the price go up every day until it gets as high as it's going to get. Then sell it all before it goes back down.

   There are only two genders, male and female. The rest are mental disorders.