Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I’ve spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but they still get in.

   Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

   Please stop asking the universe to send you the most amazing and beautiful person in the world. I cannot be everywhere all at once.

   There should only be one color! God made a mistake.

   "The woke mob' aka acknowledging that people different then you exist

   Johnny Depp is the one guy that could've used an amber alert.

   Being forced to watch the Feds spend billions of your tax dollars on a corrupt foreign war while struggling with record high inflation.

   Let me get this straight, we can send 40 billion to eastern Europe, but Elon Musk buying Twitter for 40 billion could have solved world hunger?

   You knew it was coming: Marvel has fallen to the Woke Mob, introduces trans superheroes.

   The left is like, I paid $7.00 for gal. gas, $8.00 for gal. milk, rent is twice my monthly income, there’s shortages of everything, crime is surging, the world’s on the brink of chaos, but I’m happy because Trump isn’t in office.

   Justice Thomas to the Media: “I will absolutely leave the Court when I do my job as poorly as you do yours.”

   If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.

   Life is too short to die a coward.

   Waking up and realizing you’re still not rich.

   Gas prices are so high the Mailman is now working from home. He called me and read my bills to me over the phone.

   Kurt Vonnegut's, Harrison Bergeron, is basically the screenplay for Idiocracy

   Broken guitar for sale, no strings attached.

   Vomits after drinking 10 mimosas, hope I’m not pregnant.

   Have Snoop and Martha ever like…. almost?

   Watching the fork fireworks in the microwave.