Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rockville: A butt load of 3rd rate bands that would have never attained the low level of success they've achieved if it weren't for the internet.

   Excuse me while I exponentially click like on my posts that I steaI.

   Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.

   Really miss the days when the biggest scandal was that Trump drank water with two hands and ate chicken with a fork.

   Disney’s favorability collapses from 77% to 33% in one year. Boom!

   Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.

   When the internet collectively bullies the “Ministry of Truth” to the point it’s dissolved before even starting. I am so proud of this community.

   Monkeypox & the 11 people who still believe the media.

   Pros and cons of making kids. Pros: making, Cons: kids

   They say I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll just see about that.

   Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven whilst I slumber in yon bedchamber.

   Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.

   I though brothels were only legal in Nevada, but I feel like I’m getting *ucked every time I get gas.

   I wish I had the time click like 135 times on my posts.

   Don't worry if you lost money on crypto currency.. Just hoard baby formula and you'll make it all back

   Monkeypox is pronounced with the “k” silent.

   Went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

   Failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

   Was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

   If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.