Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 154 of 6446

   messageicon Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and have them also to yourself? Well, apparently that is called kidnapping.
←Rate | 10-02-2022 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mama told me I could become anything I wanted. So I became a problem.
←Rate | 10-02-2022 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bedtime Tip: Ring the doorbell on your way to bed at night...this will clear the dogs off your bed long enough for you to get in and get comfortable...
←Rate | 10-02-2022 06:42 by Gator Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forgive and forget? What? Do I look like Jesus with Alzheimer's?
←Rate | 10-01-2022 20:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I played baseball with a bunch of orphans yesterday. I won, because none of them knew where home was.
←Rate | 10-01-2022 10:55 by Dennis Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me for the Chapstick. I accidently handed her a Gluestick. Now she's not speaking to me.
←Rate | 09-29-2022 12:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen. I can just feel it.
←Rate | 09-29-2022 12:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in this world, those who finish a joke and those that
←Rate | 09-29-2022 12:17 by Luka Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years.
←Rate | 09-28-2022 11:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it says “fussy” and “cries excessively” on the medical form, are they asking about me or the baby?
←Rate | 09-28-2022 11:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Brady has over 600 touchdown passes in his career. Which works out to 420, when you adjust for inflation.
←Rate | 09-28-2022 09:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea.... It's not the best medicine in the world, but hey they’re right up there.
←Rate | 09-28-2022 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sandalwood what a man gets if he’s unusually turned on by a pair of his own open-toed shoes?
←Rate | 09-28-2022 06:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m at the ‘you fold laundry too loudly’ part of marriage.
←Rate | 09-28-2022 06:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a big wedding and I’ve birthed three children so there are a lot of fond memories. The two I cherish most are the day I got my iPhone and the day the new liquor store opened up on the corner.
←Rate | 09-28-2022 06:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Toddlers are like wordle, you only get so many tries to figure out what word they’re trying to say
←Rate | 09-28-2022 06:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Growing up is realizing that talking doesn't scare the fish and that Grandpa just wanted you to shut the hell up.
←Rate | 09-27-2022 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not trying to brag or make anyone jealous, but I can still fit in the same sized gloves I wore in high school...
←Rate | 09-27-2022 06:43 by Gator Comments (0)  


   messageicon Either the leaves are changing colors or there was something in those brownies...
←Rate | 09-26-2022 18:31 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I subscribe to Amazon Prime, does that mean that I'm "in my prime" ?
←Rate | 09-26-2022 17:20 by Eddy Comments (0)  




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