Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 153 of 6446

   messageicon I get it roosters, I scream when I wake up in the morning too
←Rate | 10-09-2022 06:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would learn how to backflip but i’m saving spinal injuries for after i’m 60
←Rate | 10-09-2022 06:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking about the time I bought 90s CDs in goodwill, only to come out to my car and realize I don’t even have a CD player…
←Rate | 10-09-2022 06:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I called the fire dept to get my cat out of a tree and they said they don’t do that so I told them them he had a lighter.
←Rate | 10-09-2022 06:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah. It's OK for you to call my pets "Fur Babies" but if I call your kid a "Skin Dog" you get angry.
←Rate | 10-08-2022 22:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeffrey Dahmer's bologna had a first name , it was Steven !
←Rate | 10-08-2022 08:24 by DJJIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you are working too hard when you go to make a call from your home telephone and first dial 9.
←Rate | 10-08-2022 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spotted a house tonight with their Christmas lights already up in October and can only imagine that they work for Walmart.
←Rate | 10-08-2022 01:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't let a gerbil talk you into anything you don't want to do
←Rate | 10-07-2022 06:37 by DJJIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear YouTube: Just because I watched one video on how to change the oil in my car does not mean I want to watch a thousand other videos just like it. -Me
←Rate | 10-06-2022 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Find a girl that takes care of you, like the press takes care of Joe Biden.
←Rate | 10-04-2022 19:40 by 740MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get my exercise by pushing the limits of those around me.
←Rate | 10-04-2022 06:47 by UrMom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talking to some people is as frustrating as trying to eat applesauce with chopsticks.
←Rate | 10-04-2022 06:46 by UrMom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why bother drinking water? You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 10:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Great job keeping crap out of my eye, eyelash that's currently in my eye.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of your behaviour is completely embarrassing but highly entertaining. Carry on.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If she farts in front of your parents repeatedly just for the reaction then she's a keeper.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My congressman just wrote to tell me if I don't re-elect him, whatever-scares-me-most will probably happen. Send money.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give your tweets a CB radio feel by adding the word, over at the end. Over.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just threw a rock at a guy who was getting Subway breakfast. He understood why.
←Rate | 10-03-2022 09:01 Comments (0)  




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