Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   doing strange things in the name of art.

   Shout out to the person Who is the first to say they’re going home and breaks the seal for the rest of the guests to be like “Gyess we will head out also” Jest sayin

   Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!

   I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend until death your right to say it.

   To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of hearer as well as those of the speaker.

   From now on, we’ll be referring to Corona Virus as Kung-Flu or Sweet and Sour Sicken.

   Had a hen who could count her own eggs, she was a mathmachicken.

   Octopuses are just wet spiders.

   If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.

   Tonight’s Powerball Jackpot is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.

   Spanish word of the day: Beach. Joe Biden is China’s little beach.

   The best zoom calls are the ones where a pet makes a cameo like Stan Lee in one of the Marvel movies.

   I like my coffee so strong it shows up on a drug test.

   Each year I get invited to go on vacation with the same group of annoying people but I can’t say no because they’re my husband & children.

   My wife gives the best head-ache.

   Closest I’ve come to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop.

   If you don’t want people asking for rides again, say yes the first time but don’t show up. works everytime.

   Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.....When you're wrong, admit it, and, when you're right, shut up!

   Let us march immediately, and never lay down our arms until we obtain our independence. ~ Nathan Hale

   It's not a real relationship, until you've apologized to a locked bathroom door.