Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We're much safer from the climate because we're richer: Climate expert

   "Living well is the best revenge" Me: *googles second best revenge*

   Be the person no one was prepared to deal with.

   When you pee in a pop bottle and give it to someone and say, “ here, try this smello yellow.”

   Crackheads be like.. “I’ll HUFF & I'll PUFF, and Pawn all your STUFF”

   Mike Hunt is tight

   Mike Hunt is juicy

   Mike Hunt has crabs

   Mike Hunt smells like fish

   Mike Hunt is hot

   Mike Hunt is bald

   Mike Hunt is sweaty

   Mike Hunt is wet

   Mike Hunt is itchy

   Mike Hunt is hairy

   Remember: When something goes wrong in the circus, they send in the clowns to distract the audience. Well, something has gone very wrong with this circus, and the clowns are everywhere.

   If you leave a dream catcher in the rain, does it become a wet dream catcher?

   I showed my Facebook page to my psychiatrist and she wants to talk to all of you.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow the hell down!

   My boss asked me to start off the meeting with a joke. So I passed around my pay stub.