Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Uh, Canada made the offer, you ignorant dolt.

   BREAKING: Canada to back off on tariff threat if United States backs off on theirs. As once again, the United States backs off again. Gutless pussies.

   Today is Liberation Day! Also known as the largest tax and inflation hike for working class families in history.

   Remember when we woke up in the morning and the economy was stable, we didn’t deport the wrong people and the world respected us? Yeah, I miss those days too.

   The USA holds the cards, Canucksters.

   BREAKING: Canada to remove tariffs, if the United States agrees to do the same. Would you look at that… 🤣

   Welcome incognito GaryKoenig.

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms

   I went to my psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $360. I gave her $180 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

   I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837

   The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be really confused by a push/pull door.

   I took two Centrum Silver and now I've got the urge to drive 25mph in the left lane with my right turn signal on all day.

   If you think your microwave spying on you is bad… Guess what. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

   I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive Insurance

   Getting a refund? Log on to IRS.gov to spin the wheel and play “double or nothing

   If you're not M^G^, you're F^G^.

   Hey, 'Crats. Congratulations on losing the election in Florida yesterday to the 'Publicans. We still control the House. Your party is over. Bye bye now.

   Any chance of you having an original thought, rather than standing on the shoulders of previous ones, Canuck loser?

   How to distinguish 'publican women from 'crat. If they're fat and stupid, they're 'publican women. Thank you, and enjoy watching your wife enjoy her third trip to the buffet table.

   Turtleneck shirts were invented by a guy whose girlfriend gave him lots of hickeys.