Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts. Because as soon as I get rich, I'm buying you all tacos.

   Good morning crazy people!

   Have you ever looked at someone and said, "So You're the reason for warning labels?"

   I checked Kelley Blue book today for my car's value, and it asked me if the tank was full or empty.

   I've been laying here for over an hour waiting on my wife to make her move, but she's too busy watching videos on tik Tok.

   Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone. Will you call it?" 12 people called me. I need smarter friends.

   I googled my symptoms into WebMD. Turns out I have Gary Koenig.

   Nothing annoys me more than watching a cashier and customer chit chat while we all stand in line!

   I swear all I do is work, come home, blink... And then I'm back at work again.

   I went to see a psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $200. I gave her $100 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot!