Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say, "Excuse me, do you work here?" just to help keep things real 🤣 
The only thing worse than your girlfriend sending you a text to "break up" is her sending another text saying, "Sorry, that wasn't for you".
They said iv got ADHD and it's the most ............ Hey look a Squirrel
Remember those days when people used to write diaries and got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when people don't read them.
It's not snowing!
Sometimes you just have to tell someone you can keep talking, but I'm going to hang up right now.
I'm going to eat straight corn for supper tonight so I'll have something for the bird feeder in the morning
The book on marriage says, "Treat your wife like you treated her on the first date". So after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents house.
The last time I had faith in the news was when it was with Huey Lewis.
I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully I was at work. 