Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   As is evidenced by the primaries, Americans are either dumb or dumber

   You don't know what you have until it's gone. For example, toilet paper.

   Awaiting Mitt Romney news conference where he'll say Trump's prints were found on newly-discovered OJ Simpson knife....

   Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my cat's paw and she pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

   Crowds hated it but the best weapon for fighting a lion in the gladiator ring was a spray bottle and a firm "NO."

   Fun game: Ask a Trump supporter which one of his proposed policies they like the best. Then sit back and enjoy the silence.

   People hate Trump but they secretly cry and wish they were a Billionaire too

   Donald Trump's adult sons looks like 80's movie villains you'd have to beat in a ski contest to save a shopping mall for a gang of lovable misfits.

   If I can hear you chew, just thought you should know that I have fantasized about your death.

   Not too impressed with this years selection of Presidential nominees so I've decided to vote for one of the Mario Brothers, haven't decided which one, .... But I figure either of them are just as qualified, if not more, to fix things as the nominees.

   No matter what race you're, if you have an ounce of human decency in you, you should find Donald Trump to be a repugnant . A real POS.

   I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

   I'm starting to think this is the last season of America and the writers are going insanely nuts.

   If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are drowning and you can save just one, what kind of cupcakes are you baking?

   There are so many dogs on the internet that we forget about newborn alpacas....

   When you say, "Friends With Benefits"....I assume you own a liquor store.

   Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.

   The most useless place to be is in someone's prayers.

   Lets call SELFIES what they really are; ALONIES

   The first rule of Low Self-Esteem Club is: I'm Running a test to see who really reads my wall... If you do , please leave one word response...