Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Could you imagine knowing someone interesting enough to actually want to talk on the phone? Me neither.

   Being in the doghouse isn't so bad if there's enough beer in the bowl.

   Haven't kids learned how fast a picture can travel around the internet by now?

   I jioned weight watchers last month , so far o lost 38 dollars................

   What if Donald Trumps Batman?

   Nuke the Chinese! ...I mean microwave the take out

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   Only men with beards can truly understand How much a cat or dog loves to have their chin scratched

   I have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Buttler .

   have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Butler .

   Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context

   For everyone doing your Facebook "year in review..." No one gives a fu@k

   Han Solo is killed by his son, Kylo Ren. Luke doesn't say anything and has 30 seconds of screentime. Kylo Ren survives the explosion at the end, leaving it set up for him to be the villain in the next movie.

   I ' this close to trade 24 hours without hearing about Star Wars for 24 hours of Adele's ''Hello'' in loop on radio.

   Spoiler alert: Han Solo DIES

   my favorite coffee is made from the shutthehellup bean 😡

   Not everyone in the front row is a fan. Your biggest hater will disguise themselves as a friend so that they can get closest to you and strike at close range.

   A Christmas tree isn't going to be the only thing lit this holiday season

   Han Solo gets killed by his son Kylo Ren.. You're welcome

   Everyone picks their nose. It is what you do with it that defines you as a person.