Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jerod has been sentenced to 15 years of all the footlongs that we wants

   THANKSGIVING DAY = A day when you sit uncomfortably between two people on a long flight so you can sit uncomfortably between two people and eat a meal while people say negative things about each other and start a fight. >>>

   >>> Upset many will leave the home to go to a retail store where they can fight with complete strangers over unneeded and useless crap that our spoiled lives really didn't need in the first place.

   Black Friday challenge: Buy American and buy small business. Otherwise you're complaining for nothing about big business.

   Hey I just met you and this is crazy. Here's my number, I'm very lazy. Your dog resembles Patrick Swayze. Do you like daffodils? I'm craaazy

   Some of you should be required to raise your hand before you post to facebook.

   2 days ago: ''We must help solve poverty here first and foremost!'' Today: ''All right! Black Friday is coming!''. Morons

   90% of the refugees are young men, not women and kids.

   USA: where you can go to the grocery store with a loaded gun, but where refugees fleeing war are scary for your safety you can shoot them.

   : I am thankful that they finally discovered that the Tortoise was using Performance Enhacing Drugs in the race with the Hare.

   Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

   The best part of hooking up with a MILF is leaving in the morning with a juice box and fruit rollups.

   Why the hell don’t liquor stores have Black Friday sales?

   Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.

   Dramas are for women. Rationnals are for men.

   Always choose a proctologist with a good buttside manner.

   Ah, I see my old arch nemesis, the bottom of the bottle, has arrived.

   I think Americans need to find out who makes terrorist passports, apparently those things survive plane crashes and suicide bombs

   Well No money November is going well this year

   Well on a positive note, Charlie Sheen.